Funny Lyrics
Twas The Night Before Christmas
'Twas the night before Christmas
The pond was froze over and so was the branch.
The snow was piled up belly-deep to a mule.
The kids were all home on vacation from school,
And happier young folks you never did see-
Just all sprawled around a-watchin' TV.
Then suddenly, sometime around 8 o'clock,
There came a surprise that gave them a shock!
The power went off, the TV went dead!
When Grandpa came in from out in the shed
With an armload of wood, the house was all dark.
'Just what I expected,' they heard him remark.
'Them power line wires must be down from the snow.
Seems sorter like times on the ranch long ago.'
'I'll hunt up some candles,' said Mom. 'With their light,
And the fireplace, I reckon we'll make out all right.'
The teen-agers all seemed enveloped in gloom.
Then Grandpa came back from a trip to his room,
Uncased his old fiddle and started to play
That old Christmas song about bells on a sleigh.
Mom started to sing, and first thing they knew
Both Pop and the kids were all singing it, too.
They sang Christmas carols, they sang 'Holy Night,'
Their eyes all a-shine in the ruddy firelight.
They played some charades Mom recalled from her youth,
And Pop read a passage from God's Book of Truth.
They stayed up till midnight-and, would you believe,
The youngsters agreed 'twas a fine Christmas Eve.
Grandpa rose early, some time before dawn;
And when the kids wakened, the power was back on.
'The power company sure got the line repaired quick,'
Said Grandpa - and no one suspected his trick.
Last night, for the sake of some old-fashioned fun,
He had pulled the main switch - the old Son-of-a-Gun!
A Parent's Night Before Christmas
'Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house
I searched for the tools to hand to my spouse.
Instructions were studied and we were inspired,
In hopes we could manage "Some Assembly Required."
The children were quiet (not asleep) in their beds,
While Dad and I faced the evening with dread:
A kitchen, two bikes, Barbie's town house to boot!
And, thanks to Grandpa, a train with a toot!
We opened the boxes, my heart skipped a beat....
Let no parts be missing or parts incomplete!
Too late for last-minute returns or replacement;
If we can't get it right, it goes in the basement!
When what to my worrying eyes should appear,
But 50 sheets of directions, concise, but not clear,
With each part numbered and every slot named,
So if we failed, only we could be blamed.
More rapid than eagles the parts then fell out,
All over the carpet they were scattered about.
"Now bolt it! Now twist it! Attach it right there!
Slide on the seats, and staple the stair!
Hammer the shelves, and nail to the stand."
"Honey," said hubby, "you just glued my hand."
And then in a twinkling, I knew for a fact
That all the toy dealers had indeed made a pact
To keep parents busy all Christmas Eve night
With "assembly required" till morning's first light.
We spoke not a word, but kept bent at our work,
Till our eyes, they went bleary; our fingers all hurt.
The coffee went cold and the night, it wore thin
Before we attached the last rod and last pin.
Then laying the tools away in the chest,
We fell into bed for a well-deserved rest.
But I said to my husband just before I passed out,
"This will be the best Christmas, without any doubt.
Tomorrow we'll cheer, let the holiday ring,
And not have to run to the store for a thing!
We did it! We did it! The toys are all set
For the perfect, most perfect, Christmas, I bet!"
Then off to dreamland and sweet repose I gratefully went,
Though I suppose there's something to say for those self-deluded...
I'd forgotten that batteries are never included!
Jingle Bells
Oh, jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to ride
In a one horse open sleigh
Jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to ride
In a one horse open sleigh
Dashing through the snow
In a one horse open sleigh
O'er the fields we go
Laughing all the way
Bells on bob tails ring
Making spirits bright
What fun it is to laugh and sing
A sleighing song tonight
A day or two ago
I thought I'd take a ride
And soon Miss Fanny Bright
Was seated by my side
The horse was lean and lank
Misfortune seemed his lot
We got into a drifted bank
And then we got upsot
We Three Kings
We three kings of Orient are
Bearing gifts we traverse afar
Field and fountain, moor and mountain
Following yonder star
Whilst the gift of gold is still considered acceptable - as it may be redeemed at a later date through such organisations as 'cash for gold' etc, gifts of frankincense and myrrh are not appropriate due to the potential risk of oils and fragrances causing allergic reactions. A suggested gift alternative would be to make a donation to a worthy cause in the recipient's name or perhaps give a gift voucher.
We would advise that the traversing kings do not rely on navigation by stars in order to reach their destinations and suggest the use of AA Routefinder or GPS navigation, which will provide the quickest route and advice regarding fuel consumption. Please note as per the guidelines from the RSPCA for Mr Donkey, the camels carrying the three kings of Orient will require regular food and rest breaks. Facemasks for the three kings are also advisable due to the likelihood of dust from the camels hooves.
Let It Snow!
Oh, the weather outside is frightful,
But the fire is so delightful,
And since we've no place to go,
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.
It doesn't show signs of stopping,
And I brought some corn for popping;
The lights are turned way down low,
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.
When we finally say good night,
How I'll hate going out in the storm;
But if you really hold me tight,
All the way home I'll be warm.
The fire is slowly dying,
And, my dear, we're still good-bye-ing,
But as long as you love me so.
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.
Santa Claus Is Coming To Town
You better watch out
You better not cry
Better not pout
I'm telling you why
Santa Claus is coming to town
He's making a list,
And checking it twice;
Gonna find out Who's naughty and nice.
Santa Claus is coming to town
He sees you when you're sleeping
He knows when you're awake
He knows if you've been bad or good
So be good for goodness sake!
O! You better watch out!
You better not cry.
Better not pout, I'm telling you why.
Santa Claus is coming to town.
Santa Claus is coming to town.
When Santa Got Stuck Up the Chimney
When Santa got stuck up the chimney,
He began to shout,
You girls and boys,
Won't get any toys,
If you don't pull me out.
There's soot on my back,
And my beard is all black,
My nose is tickling too!
When Santa got stuck up the chimney,
Achoo, Achoo, Achoo.
't Was on the eve before Christmas Day,
When Santa Claus arrived on his sleigh,
Into the chimney he climbed with his sack,
But he was so fat - he couldn't get back.
Oh, what a terrible plight, gangway,
He stayed up there all night.
When Santa got stuck up the chimney,
He began to yell.
Oh hurry, please,
It's all such a squeeze,
The reindeer's stuck as well!
His head's up there in the cold night air,
Now Rudolph's nose is BLUE!
When Santa got stuck up the chimney,
Achoo, Achoo, Achoo, Achoo, Achoo, Achoo, ACHOO!
I Saw Mummy Kissing Santa Claus
I saw Mummy kissing Santa Claus,
Underneath the mistletoe last night.
She didn't see me creep,
Down the stairs to have a peep.
She thought that I was tucked up
In my bedroom fast asleep!
Then, I saw Mummy tickle Santa Claus,
Underneath his beard so snowy white.
Oh, what a laugh it would have been,
If Daddy had only seen,
Mummy kissing Santa Claus last night!
White Christmas
I'm dreaming of a white Christmas
Just like the ones I used to know
Where the treetops glisten
and children listen
To hear sleigh bells in the snow.
I'm dreaming of a white Christmas
With every Christmas card I write
May your days be merry and bright
And may all your Christmases be white.
I'm dreaming of a white Christmas
With every Christmas card I write
May your days be merry and bright
And may all your Christmases be white.
Daddy's Home and I Think He's Drunk
Oh you better not shout,
You better not cry,
You better not pout,
I'm tellin' you why;
Daddy's home and I think he's drunk.
He's walkin' real slow,
He slurs when he speaks,
I don't even think
He's shaved in two weeks,
Daddy's home and boy is he drunk.
He spent most of our money
On Johnny Walker Black
And then he took all of the rest
And lost it at the track.
Sooo.... You better not pout,
You better not cry,
I don't like that look in his eye,
Daddy's home and I think he's...
Daddy's home and boy is he...
Daddy's home and he's really drunk!
